“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl
The Space Between – A Crucial Gap
At every moment, life presents us with stimuli—unexpected challenges, opportunities, interactions, and emotions. What separates those who thrive from those who struggle is not the nature of the stimulus itself but rather the space between it and the response we choose.
This space is often overlooked. It seems small, insignificant even. Yet within it lies infinite possibilities—the opportunity to pause, reflect, and decide with clarity rather than react impulsively. Mastering this space is the essence of personal effectiveness and high performance.
As a coach and strategist who walks alongside professionals and leadership teams in fast-paced, high-pressure environments, I’ve come to understand that the space Frankl talks about is not just poetic. It is deeply practical. It is where transformation begins.
It’s in that split second—after an email triggers us, after a conversation stings, after a plan goes off-track—that our power reveals itself. Do we react from habit? Or respond from intention?
That space is where our effectiveness is built or broken.
From Reaction to Response – The Shift to Conscious Choice
Consider the case of David, a promising entrepreneur. His startup faces an unexpected financial downturn. Panic sets in—should he abandon ship, blame market forces, or take ownership of the situation?
The reactive mind would say, “It’s not my fault! The economy is tough!” and retreat in fear. But a conscious response, one rooted in the power of choice, might say: “This is challenging, but what opportunities exist? How can I pivot?”
Or two managers get negative feedback.
- One shuts down, becomes defensive, blames the team.
- The other pauses, asks questions, processes the feedback, and decides to improve.
Same stimulus. Different response. Different results.
One leader is ruled by ego. The other uses the moment to evolve. And that’s the work—helping people move from reactive living to intentional leading.
We all have the power of choice as a birthright. But we don’t all exercise the same way.
Some of us take ownership, others deflect. Some stay grounded; others offload responsibility. Some build; some break. Some choose peace, others choose chaos.
When faced with difficulties, our natural instinct is often to react impulsively. But conscious choice requires stepping back, assessing objectively, and responding intentionally rather than emotionally. As I often say in my coaching sessions: your mindset is your master key and your decisions, the ones made in the “space”—determine how far you’ll rise.
This principle is deeply embedded in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey:
“Reactive people are driven by feelings, circumstances, and conditions. Proactive people are driven by values.”
The Role of Ownership in Choice
The difference between thriving individuals and those who remain stagnant is their level of ownership over their choices.
Take Lisa, a corporate executive, navigating a stressful work environment. One approach would be to blame toxic workplace culture, difficult colleagues, or overwhelming expectations. Another approach—one rooted in personal agency—would be to assess, adapt, and make empowered choices.
Some will step up, take control, and act. Others will deflect responsibility, blaming external circumstances rather than trying to change what they can.
When I run strategy and planning sessions with organizations or coach mid-level professionals on growth, I like to ask: “What’s the cost of giving away your power of response?”
Because there is a cost.
- It’s the opportunity you missed because of a poor reaction.
- The trust you broke because you couldn’t pause before speaking.
- The performance dip because you let circumstances define your energy.
James Clear said it best in Atomic Habits: “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” Which applies not only to personal discipline but to leadership.
Every time you respond instead of reacting, you vote for the leader, the parent, the partner, the high performer you are becoming.
Similarly, ownership is a fundamental trait of great leaders. As Jim Collins writes in Good to Great: “The moment you take full responsibility for your circumstances; you gain the power to change them.”
Fundamentally Every decision carry weight—it either builds or destroys, empowers or weakens, moves us forward or holds us back.
Consider Thomas, an aspiring athlete. He faces two choices every morning:
- Commit to disciplined training, hone his skills, and develop resilience.
- Skip practice, blame the competition, and allow self-doubt to creep in.
Both paths have consequences. One leads to mastery, the other to mediocrity.
James Clear highlights this in Atomic Habits: “Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.” Every choice—small or big—builds upon previous decisions. Excellence isn’t achieved in a single moment, but through a series of intentional decisions over time.
Personally, I’m not always perfect at this. I’m human. There are mornings when the waking alarm goes on or Nairobi traffic eats into my patience before I even reach the office. There are days when pressure piles up and the easier route would be to offload frustration.
But I remind myself—the space is mine. My power lies there. I get to choose.
And when I’m coaching clients, whether it’s a finance manager struggling with executive presence or a founder dealing with team disengagement, I bring them back to this same truth:
You are not powerless. You are not a puppet of circumstance. You always have a say in how you show up.
Resilience and the Power to Adapt
One of the most powerful applications of choice is resilience—the ability to rise after failure, adapt to setbacks, and continuously push forward.
Think of Malala Yousafzai. Faced with unimaginable adversity, she had the choice to retreat in fear or stand up for education and justice. She chose courage, transforming herself into a global symbol of empowerment.
Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of Nazi concentration camps, echoes this sentiment: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Even in moments of powerlessness, we retain one fundamental ability—the power to choose how we respond.
How Will You Choose or How then do we choose
Every day presents choices—some small, some life-altering. Will you react impulsively or respond consciously? Will you take ownership of your decisions or pass responsibility to others?
The most fulfilled and successful individuals recognize this simple truth: Master the space between stimulus and response, and you will master your life.
Here’s what I’ve found works—both for me and the people I coach:
- Pause Before You Speak or Act. That moment of silence can save relationships, reputations, and results.
- Reflect on Your Values. What kind of leader do you want to be? Let that guide your response.
- Take Ownership. Don’t outsource your power. You’re responsible for your growth.
- Act with Intention. Do what’s needed, not what’s easy.
Whether I’m speaking at a strategy forum, leading a team workshop, or mentoring young professionals, I always come back to this core belief:
“The people who rise, the ones who lead well, the ones who build meaningful impact, they don’t leave their choices to chance.”
- They master the space between stimulus and response.
- And in doing so, they master their impact, their performance, and their legacy.
- If you want to grow into that kind of leader, start here. Your power isn’t out there. It’s in you
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CPA Hillary Oonge:
Management consultant, Personal Effectiveness and Leadership Coach. COO and Partner in charge of management consulting and Outsourced Services (MCOS) -SKM Africa LLP, Community Manager FPKE (FinanceProfessionalsKe), Board Member at Kenya Communities Development Foundation (KCDF)
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